I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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