What a fucking waste of an outfit
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
