he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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