so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
