What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You need Xanax blowdarts
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
