did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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