This girl is more easily done than said...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
