O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
