Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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