He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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