i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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