Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You're breaking my sexual little heart
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
