no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
