ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
