Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
