It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
