Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
