I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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