Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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