some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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