Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
