I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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