The brown eye won't let me do that either.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
