toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
