I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
