Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
