Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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