Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
