Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
