In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
