I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
