I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
