why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
this will be a night to untag.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
soo... how was my night?
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