I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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