I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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