I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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