I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Farmville is her only friend.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
