Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
A+ Viking dick
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
