Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
