I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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