My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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