Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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