Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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