Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
