To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
