I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
