Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
