All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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