So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
