I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
