i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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