your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
