Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Walk of Shame today included voting.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
