tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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