; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
please come you make the beer taste better
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
