whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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