Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
